The Ideal Parent Figure method is a guided imagery practice from attachment therapy. You imagine yourself as a child, being raised by a different set of parents who are exactly right for you, and you let yourself feel what that's like. It was developed by Daniel P. Brown and David S. Elliott and set out in their 2016 book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults.
This page explains how it works, what people find hard about it, and what the research shows so far.
The idea behind it
Attachment theory says that the way we were cared for early in life shapes what we expect from people later on: whether others will be there, and whether we're worth being there for. Those expectations can feel fixed, especially when they come back hard, as they often do after a break-up.
The method works on the idea that you can build a new sense of being cared for from the inside, through imagery. If you imagine something vividly enough, your body responds to it. Imagining being comforted can bring some of the feeling of being comforted, and with practice that feeling can become more familiar and easier to reach.
What happens in a session
In a typical session you close your eyes, settle, and imagine yourself as a child. Then you imagine a new set of parents. They aren't the parents you grew up with. You can make them up entirely, or loosely base them on someone, real or fictional, who has the right qualities.
The guide then describes these parents doing what you needed. In the pilot study described below, the parent figures had five qualities (Parra and colleagues, 2017). They were:
- protective, so you feel safe with them
- attuned to what you feel inside, even when you don't say it
- soothing when you're upset, coming to you straight away
- delighted by you, just for being who you are
- encouraging, supporting you to explore and find your own way
Each quality usually has its own short scene. You aren't asked to remember anything that happened to you. The focus stays on the parents you're imagining and on how it feels to be with them.
If you can't picture anything
This is the most common worry, and it's fine. Many people don't see clear images. A felt sense is enough: a feeling of warmth, of someone beside you, of being held. Some people find it easier to imagine a voice, or a presence just behind them, than a face.
In the pilot study, when someone found the imagery hard, the therapist asked them to imagine something they had never done, like climbing a mountain, and notice their body reacting anyway. The point was that imagination doesn't depend on having experienced something first. You don't need to remember being cared for like this to imagine it.
If your real parents keep appearing
Sometimes the parents you grew up with show up in the imagery, or the feeling turns towards them. You don't have to fight it. You can notice it, let those figures step aside, and come back to the new parents, who are only there for you. If it keeps happening, or brings up painful memories, it's a good sign this is something to explore with a therapist.
What the research shows
The method was developed for use in therapy, and the research is still early.
The main published study is a pilot by Parra, George, Kalalou and Januel (2017). It followed 17 adults in France who had complex PTSD related to childhood trauma. They had four weekly sessions of the method with a therapist, within a five-week programme. Their symptoms fell, and their quality of life rose, with medium-to-large effects that were still there eight months later.
That's encouraging, and it's important to be clear about its limits. It was a small study with no comparison group, so it can't rule out other explanations, such as the relationship with the therapist or symptoms easing on their own. The authors say this themselves. The method hasn't yet been tested in a randomised trial, or as self-guided audio.
There's also a wider body of research behind the idea. As the pilot's authors note, lab studies have found that imagining a responsive attachment figure can bring a temporary sense of security, which helps people cope with stress.
Doing it on your own
Many people now use Ideal Parent Figure imagery outside therapy, through recordings. A few things are worth knowing if you do:
- It's meant to feel good. If a session brings up distress you can't settle, stop, and come back to it another time or with support.
- Repetition matters. The feeling tends to get more familiar the more often you return to it. Short, regular sessions are a good way to start.
- It helps when it fits you. Brown and Elliott advise tailoring the imagery to each person's needs, and caution that a one-size-fits-all script may work less well. The pilot study used a single script for research reasons, and said so.
- It isn't a replacement for care. If you have a history of trauma, or you're struggling day to day, the method was designed to be used with a therapist, and that's the safest way to start.
How Remap uses it
Remap's sessions are based on the Ideal Parent Figure method, adapted for listening on your own. Each one has an opening, a scene that introduces your new parents, a scene for each of the five qualities, a scene for the thing you needed most and didn't get, and a slow return to the room. The sessions we make for you are written around what you tell us, which follows Brown and Elliott's advice to tailor the imagery. Our free library sessions are written for anyone going through a particular kind of time.
What happens in a Remap session, and who makes it · Listen to a free session
Remap is a guided imagery practice. It isn't therapy and doesn't replace it. If you're struggling right now, in the UK you can call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time. In the US, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 999 or 911.